The venture into Low-Carberdome... A LIFESTYLE CHANGE.

As you may have read in my last post... I am currently enjoying a low carb treat that I purchased from Dutch Bros Coffee. It's delicious! And only about 5 net carbs! It is a sugar free white chocolate with steamed half and half latte. Dutch Bros has pretty much anything you want in sugar free. It's amazing. Either way... I have finally jumped back on the horse of LIFESTYLE CHANGE. I loaded up my freezer with meats that range from salmon to pork roast to chicken to steak. I've got no excuse not to do this. I have inched my way back up the scale to 250 pounds. It's just getting ridiculous. The torture that I am putting my body through, let alone my pyche through has taken it's last stomp on my life. Literally, you should have seen me this weekend. I'm not sure why I did it. I'll give you a horrific picture of my life. So, I was sick, all weekend. My nose was stuffed and continued to stay stuffed no matter how many times I blew and blew. I had been doing so well, changing my lifestyle before I had gotten sick. I was to the point where I really wasn't even craving sweets. But somehow... something in my mind took over and retreated back to my previous lifestyle and screamed and screamed from the back of my mind, "I want cookies!" and repeated until I couldn't take it any longer and succumbed to that voice (even got my boyfriend on the bandwagon so there was no backing down)... and made a couple dozen from scratch. Yes, I couldn't breath through my nose, therefore I purchased some nasal decongestant just so I could possibly get a taste... they helped temporarily and for those few minutes I stuffed as many cookies as I could in my mouth and washed them down with an ice cold glass of milk (which yes, I know, not such a good idea with the mucas, but I had to, for some sick reason). Wow, disgusting. But yea, so after I did this, and during, I felt disgusting and was mad at myself, but I couldn't stop. After that, I told myself, "eh, you already ate the cookies, now eat those chips you've been pondering. I stuffed several into my mouth, chewed half open so I could breathe. Wow, what a depressing picture I am painting. either way, I am stopping this. It's just ridiculous. Obviously I was stuffing myself from another direction. I mean, yes, physically, but there was some void emotionally that was causing the consumption. I am trying to figure out where this void is in my life. I happen to think that it's possibly because my life is so unorganized and I feel so overwhelmed with all my tasks "to do" that I avoid life altogether and consume food to numb me up. I don't know. It just gets ridiculous sometimes. I recently bought a book that my friend Natalya turned me onto, "Organize Now" by Jennifer Ford Berry it is a "week by week guide to organize your space and your life". And I feel like this will definitely help me to connect moreso with what is driving me to these binges. To start organizing my life! Woo! So ..... Here we go!!