Not quite sticking to it... well, not at all.

Wow... So obviously, well, I'm not so sure if it's obvious, however, I have failed to stick with my plan. I'm not sure why, but for some reason, I barely even got started. its interesting because I had written a little tiddy on starting back up and being amazing and reaching that mountain top that I was at with my eating habits and working out on a regular basis, and when someone in my writing class read it to edit it, he said that I didn't sound serious enough for him to be sold on it. Interestingly enough, I was somewhat offended, and sort of laughed lightly to myself, uttering in my thoughts that he didn't even have a clue, but he was totally right. I didn't even begin, and I can't keep going on like this. I need to eat right... I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, on top of the weight in my belly and my back-ass-thigh, yes, backassthigh. It's quite a wonder. My butt begins at the half of my back and continues on into a mountainous region in my buttock area, and ends about a quarter of the way down my leg. Its what you might call, redonkulous. Either way, summer is coming up, and I want to feel comfortable going swimming in the lake without feeling like my cellulitic ass isn't going to take over and gobble up everyone near me. Because seriously, the thing has a life of it's own. I can't even explain it, you just have to see it for yourself. I want to do a workout regimen. I mean, I did begin jogging, and I love it. I never thought that someone as in anyone above 235 lbs could accomplish a jogging routine. I figured it was something people did once they got below 200 or so, but I did it! And it feels good. I just need to keep up with it. I am not sure why I don't, on a regular basis, well, actually I am kind of sure, it's because I somehow give myself excuse after excuse and embrace my ridiculously large procrastinating part of my mind and say that its ok to do it tomorrow, or another day, or I don't want to start on an odd numbered day of the month. Anything and everything that I can tell myself in order to get out of something. If only I could learn from my own mistakes. All the times I put off working out and eating right and all the times I regretted not starting sooner once I actually did accomplish a lot. I've done it before, and I can do it again. It starts now. I mean seriously, today, I had a freaking, I mean, like 5 freaking pieces of Almond Roca for breakfast. What??? No, I'm not kidding. It was there, it was convenient, and I grabbed it, before even the bagels that sat there on the counter not far from them. But oddly enough, I looked at those bagels, which my mom purchased, and remembered that when I was going to purchase them a week or so before at the grocery store, they contained high fructose corn syrup. Now why do BAGELS have to have such a thing like high fructose corn syrup in them? Ah! It just makes me so angry. We keep wondering why our kids are becoming more and more obese and its uncontrollable and how there are so many kids in ill health. It's because what is supposed to nurture their body, fuel their energy, feed them, is filled with ridiculous amounts of chemicals and products that cause more damage than they are good. It blows my mind. I can't lie, I have been a slave to the fast food nation many times before, heck, I even had a Wendy's burger and nuggets for lunch today. Ah!! Why???? Why did I even do that? I had a crisp bowl of cereal waiting for me to just pour and add milk, however, the lunch was free and I said yes. Goodness. I need some self control. I could have just said, no thanks, I have cereal. But no, I didn't. And I only have myself to blame. But yes, it is my responsibility to take care of my body, for it is the only that I get in this lifetime. I have seriously already damaged it beyond anything, however, it doesn't mean that I can't nurture it and love it and make it the best that it can be. It's time. I am going to go and workout soon after I stop typing. because, it's time. I need to own up. This is just ridiculous.