Here we go again...

Oh goodness.... Here we go again. Lol, I really shouldn't say it like that, for this is going to be a positive change in my life, however, its quite a creep up this mountain back to utopia. I've done it before, ate only what was worthy of entering my body, only what I knew would fuel me for the day and satisfy my hunger until it was time to eat again. I lost 125 pounds living such a lifestyle, but I don't know what happened to me, what bucked me off that horse to salvation, however, I have been living far off that path to righteousness and closer to the treacherous seas of gluttony. You wouldn't believe me if I told you all the foods that I've thrown into my body lately. Today.... has surely been a trip down gluttony lane to say the least. I started my day out, and scarfed down toasted onion bagel with heaps of cream cheese, and a few gulps of milk to wash it down. As if that wasn't enough carbohydrates and fatty dairy, I grabbed a tortilla, sliced some cheese and threw it in the microwave for 20 and some odd seconds... it was delicious, but unnecessary. And then of course, less than enough time goes by for a commercial to complete its run, and for me to swallow my last bite of cheesy tortilla, I was up and making another one, and zapped that sucker for 2o or so. Devoured, deja vu, is what it may have seemed like, however, I barely remember the experience with the first helping because I downed it so mindlessly. I am so sick of mindless eating, for it takes me over and helps to shove those unconscious hurts and worries down below, however, unfortunately, making their journey back to the surface longer and more treacherous than was even necessary. but hey, at least I am realizing this right?I don't know. But still... I was on my way to work and all I could think of was what I could eat next. I had my heart set on a cheese roll up from the Bell, however, I saw the line and decided, it wasn't for me. I made it into Tualatin and realized that it was either no food, or McDonald's... Ya know, it has been a little while since I've contributed to the devil that is Macdo. I "treated" myself to the cheeseburger filled with corn and hormone fed cows slaughtered recklessly and grounded into the patty that I consumed. However, it was strangely gratifying and of great company with a small fry, and a three pack of their fresh...ly microwaved choco chip cookies. talk about over indulge, eh? Gosh, it's ridiculous. And the crazy thing... I still consumed an entire Chipotle Burrito only a couple hours later! Geez... Its really time to stop this. There is no need for this. Alright... This is the beginning of me owning up to my addiction. Realizing, yet again, that I have a problem and that I need to be aware of it in order to turn it into something to help me on my journey through life.