Every time.

So, yea, SO. I seem to use that as an intro to many of my thoughts... get used to it. haha. Anywho, which is 'anywho' even a legitimate word? I have no idea, however, I use many words that lack legitimacy, and I don't really care. SO, here we go again. I have reached a pinnacle in weight gain, yet again. My fat ass just weighed in at 249 pounds. Thank goodness I took it into my own hands today and bought a gym membership. It's funny, I used to have a gym membership at this same gym when I was about 15. Ok, that's not so funny, but I am looking forward to making working out a regular part of my daily routine. It is something that I know I must to in order to even maintain an equilibrium emotionally as well as physically. Definitely with one impacting the other.

Here we go again... for the umpteenth time.

Hello everybody... which I think everybody is just me or Trista... Either way, I am finally writing on this wonderful thing we call a blog nowadays. I am not sure why it has taken me so long to get here, to this place where I am actually writing down my thoughts, but most likely, it's because blogging/writing, like everything else in this world requires effort... that of which I lack apparently. I am just so sick and tired of being such a procrastinator. I think that it's finally taken me over the edge. I just put every little thing off until later, somehow, in my crazy little chaotic brain, thinking that there is going to be a better time in the future to tend to the task. Well, I am wrong, nearly every time. And I miss oppurtunities left and right, north and south, all over the freaking place and then I kick myself in the ass for it. It's just ridiculous. Either way, I am deciding that now I am taking a different stance, I am going to try to be a doer, and not a puteroffer. So, next time an ingenious thought flies into my brain, I am going to be packing my bags and jumping on that plane before it flies off without me.

Wow... That pizza was so delicious!

Yes, yes it was. So absolutely delectable that I couldn't stop eating it! I know that each piece of that extra cheesy, extra delicious pie donated about three asses to my already seemingly exponentially growing number of asses, yet I still devoured every morsel that could make it to my mouth. I couldn't believe it, I kept up with Cacy. That delicious man can nearly eat an entire 18 incher on his own, I mean, I'm pretty sure he can, however, I usually just take a couple slices for myself, if I wasn't there, I'm sure he'd consume that entire pizza. Either way, I'm definitely feeling the effects of it today. Burping up gasses from all ends, and the acid that tends to jump in my throat and singe the back of my tounge rears its ugliness every hour or so to continue the punishment regimen that I truly do deserve.

Yet another diet plan...

Ok, so here I am at work, currently jamming to some ridiculous song on the radio. I literally hate the music they play on the radio. I feel as though I am just being fed what they want me to hear, whoever paid the most cash to get played every hour. Ugh, whatever. Either way, another co-worker of mine just handed me a new work out and diet plan. Hmm... Second one in two weeks, the universe must be telling me something. Yes, yes it is. I keep continuing my venture into the land of health, however, the energy I put into dedication tends to ebb and flow so intensely that I am finding it increasingly difficult to stick to any one plan. I don't know, it is very discouraging, however, this plan has inspired to me get a gym membership again. I mean, I've been jogging lately! Yes! Every couple days and not as consistently as I would love it to be, however, I have been! Aweee yeaaa... But yes, a gym membership again. I would really love to take those classes they give. Anyways, I was talking with another co-worker the other day, and she was talking about how we are so lazy as a human race. We can think up all these wonderful ideas, yet, hardly any of them make it to fruition. Well, it's time that I get off my ass and make some of them happen. I do it myself, all the time. Hmm.. Always using excuses. It's time I light a fire under my ass and get going. Maybe later. Lol. Just kidding. How about neeeoooww?? Ouch! alright, here I go.

Not quite sticking to it... well, not at all.

Wow... So obviously, well, I'm not so sure if it's obvious, however, I have failed to stick with my plan. I'm not sure why, but for some reason, I barely even got started. its interesting because I had written a little tiddy on starting back up and being amazing and reaching that mountain top that I was at with my eating habits and working out on a regular basis, and when someone in my writing class read it to edit it, he said that I didn't sound serious enough for him to be sold on it. Interestingly enough, I was somewhat offended, and sort of laughed lightly to myself, uttering in my thoughts that he didn't even have a clue, but he was totally right. I didn't even begin, and I can't keep going on like this. I need to eat right... I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, on top of the weight in my belly and my back-ass-thigh, yes, backassthigh. It's quite a wonder. My butt begins at the half of my back and continues on into a mountainous region in my buttock area, and ends about a quarter of the way down my leg. Its what you might call, redonkulous. Either way, summer is coming up, and I want to feel comfortable going swimming in the lake without feeling like my cellulitic ass isn't going to take over and gobble up everyone near me. Because seriously, the thing has a life of it's own. I can't even explain it, you just have to see it for yourself. I want to do a workout regimen. I mean, I did begin jogging, and I love it. I never thought that someone as in anyone above 235 lbs could accomplish a jogging routine. I figured it was something people did once they got below 200 or so, but I did it! And it feels good. I just need to keep up with it. I am not sure why I don't, on a regular basis, well, actually I am kind of sure, it's because I somehow give myself excuse after excuse and embrace my ridiculously large procrastinating part of my mind and say that its ok to do it tomorrow, or another day, or I don't want to start on an odd numbered day of the month. Anything and everything that I can tell myself in order to get out of something. If only I could learn from my own mistakes. All the times I put off working out and eating right and all the times I regretted not starting sooner once I actually did accomplish a lot. I've done it before, and I can do it again. It starts now. I mean seriously, today, I had a freaking, I mean, like 5 freaking pieces of Almond Roca for breakfast. What??? No, I'm not kidding. It was there, it was convenient, and I grabbed it, before even the bagels that sat there on the counter not far from them. But oddly enough, I looked at those bagels, which my mom purchased, and remembered that when I was going to purchase them a week or so before at the grocery store, they contained high fructose corn syrup. Now why do BAGELS have to have such a thing like high fructose corn syrup in them? Ah! It just makes me so angry. We keep wondering why our kids are becoming more and more obese and its uncontrollable and how there are so many kids in ill health. It's because what is supposed to nurture their body, fuel their energy, feed them, is filled with ridiculous amounts of chemicals and products that cause more damage than they are good. It blows my mind. I can't lie, I have been a slave to the fast food nation many times before, heck, I even had a Wendy's burger and nuggets for lunch today. Ah!! Why???? Why did I even do that? I had a crisp bowl of cereal waiting for me to just pour and add milk, however, the lunch was free and I said yes. Goodness. I need some self control. I could have just said, no thanks, I have cereal. But no, I didn't. And I only have myself to blame. But yes, it is my responsibility to take care of my body, for it is the only that I get in this lifetime. I have seriously already damaged it beyond anything, however, it doesn't mean that I can't nurture it and love it and make it the best that it can be. It's time. I am going to go and workout soon after I stop typing. because, it's time. I need to own up. This is just ridiculous.

The Contract

From May 19th, 2010 until August 19th, 2010 I will live by the rules set forth by this contract. Any breach to this contract will have repercusions.


*No Fast Food
*No Soda
*No candies, sweets, or baked goods
*No beer or hard alcohols. Limiting wine to one glass a day, or possibly more on cheat night.
*Portion control. I will do my best to be aware of what I am putting in my mouth, and keep track of my (greatly estimated) caloric intake and be sure to stay below the level of maintanance.

Maintenance: 2665 Calories/day
Fat Loss: 2132 Calories/day
Extreme Fat Loss: 1960 Calories/day


*Must work out, at least 30 minutes, three times a week. I can do no less, and more is preferred.

On the day of August 19th, 2010, if I have successfully followed through on the terms of my contract, then I will reward myself with a new outfit. If, however, I have not and I breached my contract too many times for a substantial lifestyle alteration, then all the money that I would have spent on a rewarding outfit for myself, I will spend on someone else.

Here we go!

The Relapsed Junkie

I did it again. I relapsed, and it wasn't pretty, but I'll paint a picture, feel free to skip past the next few words if you have a weak stomach. I started the day on a skewed vision of a nutritious diet. Skewed by, what I can only imagine are, my erradic emotions. However, I started my day off with a heaping bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and it all went downhill from there. A gigantic bowl of light, crispy cinnominny sugar dazzled squares drenched in some icecold milk. Mmm... Soon after breakfast was inhaled, I felt the need to bake. I'm not habitually a baker, but eh, why not? I've always wanted to cook. Well, be somewhat of a skilled food manufacturer. I mean, it seems like such a valid skill to soak into my bank of acquired skills. I popped open a bag of brownie mix, and got a stirring. Threw in half a bag of semisweet morsels, and created, well err umm, put together some truly delectable brownies. I was so eager to shove them down my throat, that I didn't even have the willpower to wait for them to cool down after taking them out of the oven so I just scooped out globs of brownie onto my plate, and paired those globs with more globs of some creamy Mocha Almond Fudge, which was quite a magical pairing I might ad. After that, after becoming "one" with the brownie maf(short for Mocha Almond Fudge) work of art, while my body actively grew in circumference and fat content, I watched some episodes of Califronication. Good, actually great show. Gotta love David Duchovny for being an actual sex addict, and then playing one on TV. I'd just really like to know how that all played out in his mind throughout the process. Did he know what the show was about before he agreed to act in it? Did he just fall on a script that emulated his life, but maybe he had no self awareness and the show brought him to his understanding of his own life? I don't know, but I wonder. Anywho, I ended that day down my old hangout.... Fast food lane. Wow. Is this really me? Have I really regressed so far, as to actually start my old rounds again? Burgerville: Got a Mocha Perk milkshake. Wow, was it absolutely delicious. So thick and creamy, a perfect blend of mocha, icecream, and devourability. Ordered some fries there as well. Very hot, but not quite that degree of amazingness that fries should be, sort of grainy and mooshy. I continued a little more of my day..... ate more... more to write.... but keep in mind that before this day, I've been doing so well with it all, even jogging miles at a time. Yes, miles, regard the "s" on the back of that word, for it is a sacred one, for it is what signifies my entry into "badassness". I did a 2.25 mile jog, and the whole time I jogged, as in, not even an ounce of walking. Doing such a thing opened a door that, before I, myself, the overweight beginning jogger, only thought "the chosen ones" could open. The ones chosen to be fit from birth. But I definitely wasn't fit from birth. Hell, I'm still not fit. At a whopping 244.7 lbs, today, I am definitely not fit. But this is the beginning. This, as in right now, as I type, including the last 35 minutes my co-worker Elena and I have been talking about it, is the beginning. The beginning of a new me. We are each writing up a contract. A contract that will include the stipulations that I will live by for at least the next 3 months. We began writing on May 19th, and therefor, the contracts are up August 19th. Who's to say if I will continue on with the lifestyle, but time and experience. So here goes, the journey of bringing out my inner "badassness".